Super Storm Sandy has caused this writer to get behind a bit. I’m back on track so here is a look at the final season of TALES FROM….”Hey, creep, I may be skin and bones but I’m still alive and kicking. You promised me this gig, remember? So, HBOWatchers here is a look at Season Seven of TALES FROM THE CRYPT.”

“The final season offered a lucky 13 episodes with an April 1996 premiere.”

“Fatal Caper” was directed by Bob Hoskins. PLOT – This tale involves the inheritance will of a nobleman and his three sons, two who are unworthy and the other who has disappeared or has he? The brothers who are present must find their lost brother or their inheritance goes to charity. A sultry dame enters the picture and through her machinations causes the brothers to drop one by one. In the end it is revealed that our pretty lady, the last on standing, is the lost brother after a sex change. Natasha Richardson plays the wily sibling gone deadly. Bob Hoskins appears as the lawyer reading the will

 “Last Respects” was directed by Freddie Francis. PLOT – Three sisters named Lavonne, Delores and Marlise think they have found a way out of their troubles when they discover a monkey’s paw that grants them their wishes. Now, everyone knows dealing with monkey paws is bad juju, right? Not these gals. The power in having their wishes causes some danger all right as one sis, Marlise, gets killed for it. Feeling their loss the other sisters offer up one more wish; they wish that poor Marlise had the last wish! At the end of the episode it seems she gets her wish as she comes back from the grave (seen at right) to take revenge out on her sister Lavonne who killed her. Julie Cox is Marlise, Kerry Fox is Delores and Emma Samms plays Lavonne.

”A Slight Case Of Murder” was directed by Robert Helgeland. PLOT – A game of cat and mouse ensues between a female mystery novelist named Sharon and her jealous ex in this one, when he accuses her of cheating on him with her nosey neighbor’s son. The least suspected person, the neighbor Mrs. Trask, is the master manipulator here seeing that all three kill each other; all planned by her as research for a novel that Sharon refused to take time to look at. Sharon is played by Francesca Annis and Mrs. Trask by Elisabeth Spriggs.

 “Escape” was directed by Peter MacDonald. PLOT – During World War II, two  Nazis, a traitor and the man he betrayed, are trapped in a prison camp, where they must work together to escape. Can they get past their differences in order to do so? Nasty Lt. Luger would step one anyone to escape but what he doesn’t know is that he is being toyed with. And, of course, in a typical “Crypt” twist as he sees his “light at the end of the tunnel” he meets his demise. Our Lt. Luger is played by Marin Kemp.

“Horror In the Night” was directed by Russell Mulcahy. PLOT – A jewel thief hides out in a hotel after being shot and meets a beautiful woman that only he can see. Who or what is she? Over and over Nick sees the woman named Laura and images from his past. He starts to take them as real even having in depth conversation with her. Finally in the end he accepts what is happening is hallucinations caused from his infected wound. His past is the real threat here taking revenge as it were against him. It is an odd piece indeed starring James Wilby as Nick and Elizabeth McGovern as Laura.

“Cold War” was directed by Andy Morhan. PLOT – Cold War is set in London where two bumbling thieves & lovers Ford & Cammy have an argument after a robbery gone wrong & Cammy walks out on Ford. Cammy ends up at a bar where she meets a guy named Jimmy Pickett & invites him back to the apartment to make Ford jealous. This turns out to be one volatile trio as they duke it out. However, it turns out that they are not just two hot headed blokes fighting over a lady. It seems there anger runs a lot deeper. Ford & Cammy, played by Ewan McGregor and Jane Horrocks, are zombies and Jimmy, acted by Colin Salmon, is a vampire and they are locked in an ancient blood feud as immortal enemies. You’ll have to see the episode because, alas, I cannot find a screenshot of  Ford getting shot in the face with a shotgun!

 “The Kidnapper” was directed by James H. Spencer. PLOT – In this one a young man named Danny takes in a homeless pregnant woman and they fall in love. It all turns sour, however, when the child is born and Theresa, the mother, goes into maternal mode and ignores the now jealous Danny. He plans to have the baby kidnapped! What is odd about this plot is that the poor sap, played by Steve Coogan, really thinks that with the child out of the picture Theresa will focus her attention back to him. NOT! Julia Sawalha is Theresa.

“Report From The Grave” was directed by William Malone. PLOT – Imagine what mankind could learn from the thoughts of the dead! Elliot invents a machine that can do just that. With the help of his girlfriend, Arianne, he attempts to harness the thoughts of a horrid psychopath named Valdemar (seen left) Tymrak. Her brains get fried by the machine and in his attempts to somehow save her she now has the thoughts of the killer in her head. But, in a twist, she doesn’t kill him he commits suicide after he destroys the machine and what was left of his girl. James Frain is Elliot, Siobhan Flynn is Arianne.

“Smoke Wrings” was directed by Mandie Fletcher. PLOT – This episode also includes a tricky machine that proves more bad than good for its user. An advertising agency hires cocky ad man Barry Manners. He has a unique advertising approach as he uses a small electronic device which affects people’s minds & forces them to crave whatever is suggested. He is lured into a plan to improve the devise with another one that triggers people to be more receptive to subliminal suggestions. Coupled with his machine Barry gets greedy to the possibilities. It all backfires on him when he thinks he kills his boss in the end learning that he himself was duped. Agent 007 himself, Daniel Craig is Barry.

“About Face” was directed by Thomas E. Sanders. PLOT – A priest discovers that he has two long lost daughters, beautiful Angelica and ugly Leah. Leah fears the reunion as she fears their father will separate the girls as he favors Angelica more. She mocks and despises her father to the point of going raving mad and in the end evokes divine judgment for the sins of the father. It is a gory scene by story’s end. Anthony Andrews is the priest in peril and Anna Friel personifies both sisters.

“Confession” was directed by Peter Hewitt. PLOT –A screenwriter who specializes in macabre storylines is interrogated by a determined detective about a series of gruesome murders. Ladies are showing up decapitated all over the city and our suspect seems to have the knowledge on how to carry out the crime. There is a well written and tense interrogation scene in this one and good acting as well. Eddie Izzard is the wrongly accused and ROME’s Ciaran Hinds is the detective and serial killer too it turns out.

“Ear Today…Gone Tomorrow” was directed by Christopher Hart. PLOT – Glenn, a gambling safecracker with a slight hearing loss gets entangled in a game between a mobster and his exotic wife and ends up getting the auditory system of an owl…and that’s no misprint. The fact that Glenn can no longer crack a safe together with his huge gambling debts he owes the mob boss forces the thug to whack him. The boss’s moll has him spared. While the boss is away the mice will play as the moll hatches a plan to crack her sugar daddy’s safe a take the big payola inside. She gets a wacky doctor to improve Glenn’s hearing in order to pull off the heist. It seems Glenn, played by Robert Lindsay now has owl DNA in his body giving him good hearing and, at inopportune moments, other characteristics of an owl.

“The Third Pig” was directed by Bill Kopp and Patrick A. Ventura. PLOT – An animated horror version of the Three Little Pigs story. When the third pig is tried and convicted for the murder of his two brothers by a wolf jury, he builds a zombie Franken-swine to take out his revenge on the actual murderer – the Wolf. The voice of the Wolf was Bobcat Goldthwaite. Cam Clarke, Charles Adler and Brad Garrett were the Three Pigs. This was truly an odd ending to the TALES for sure.





“Well there you go my lovely bags of bones. A complete run down and run into the ground of my TALES FROM THE CRYPT. I hope your brains are scrambled wrapping your mind around all seven seasons. And now, I must leave you; I have to sweep the sands of Super Storm Sandy out of my decrepit abode and hand  the writing reins back to that HBOWatch crazy.”

“If ever you get  possessed to watch the show again I’m sure you can find it about or you can always [amazon_link id=”B001CT05SA” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]order a complete set[/amazon_link] for yourself! Thanks for “Tombing” in! HaaaHAA HAHaaaa!”

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