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Ja’mie: Private School Girl – Episode 4

By MJ Snow on Dec 20, 2013 to Chris Lilley

This week we were given an action packed episode, a virtual emotional roller coaster in the life of the proverbial teenage girl. Ja’mie and Mitchell start the show in new relationship bliss, but by the end of the episode, things have gone as wrong as they could ever go, causing Ja’mie to plunge into the depths of despair. What’s a girl to do when her (former) BFF turns slut and steals the love of her life? We found out during the epic conclusion of this week’s episode. Ja’mie, WLY! We’re all rooting for you!


The Recap

The show starts off with an adorable montage of Ja’mie and Mitchell happily engaging in typical activities that blissful private high school lovers do, such as playing tether ball, Ja’mie waxing Mitchell’s chest hair and making out with her laptop camera at the end of a skype session. Things couldn’t be better and Ja’mie couldn’t be happier. Ja’mie dishes to Kwami about her favorite Mitchell body parts, such as his amazing thighs and the way his nose turns up at the end… like a little piggy’s. Unfortunatley, when we’re about to hear the really good stuff, we are interrupted by Ja’mie’s dad. Marcus King doesn’t think that it’s appropriate for Ja’mie to be cuddling with Kwami on the bed and sends him to his room, forcing Ja’mie & Kwami to skype so that she can “read” to him. No matter, though! Nothing can bring Ja’mie down. She’s Mitchell’s girlfriend and all is right with the world!

Cut to the next day at Hilford, as Ja’mie tells the prefects that she might just have to kill herself. The prefects wait in horrified anticipation as Ja’mie reveals that she’d farted in front of Mitchell that morning. With the girls insistent urging, Ja’mie reenacts the tragic event, which was really so random, as Ja’mie never farts! What will happen with Ja’mie and Mitchell’s relationship now, we wonder! How can a new relationship survive such a catastrophic event?

As the next period begins the fallout is revealed. Mitchell’s FaceBook status reads: “hanging out with Madison Cartwright, the best way to spend a free period.” Another click shows that he has also changed his relationship status to SINGLE. And just like that, a high school girl’s life is ruined. Distraught, Ja’mie excuses the prefects from class and confronts Madison outside the school. Madison had been her best friend, how could she do this to Ja’mie? The confrontation becomes an altercation until the headmaster breaks the girls apart. The time has obviously come to confront Mitchell, himself. As he approaches, Ja’mie asks him if he’s kissed Madison. Mitchell admits that he has. “Yeah. I didn’t think we were exclusive.” He tells her. Ja’mie asks him “Is it because I’m fat?” Mitchell tells her it’s not, but she can’t take any more. Dissolving into tears, she retreats, sobbing, into the arms of the prefects.


How can Ja’mie keep it together for the judging of her dance solo? She tries her hardest, with the support of her friends, however, the pain is too great and she does not give her best performance. Her year twelve results will be affected here, and to make it worse, Erin, the fat, lesbian boarder seems to please the judges with her routine. Poor Ja’mie finishes the day so distraught that she turns to her parents and Kwami for comfort.


Poor Ja’mie, life truly has hit rock bottom for her. She retreats to her room in a state of the deepest depression, causing her mother to have to buy a bulk package of Kleenex and hide all the sharp objects within Ja’mie’s reach. Ja’mie, wrapped in a cardigan of despair and hidden under a comforter, tells her friend Cody that her mother has even taken her hair straighteners, in case Ja’mie should try to burn herself to death. She’s stolen her mother’s antidepressants, but they don’t seem to be helping. Nothing helps. Suddenly the most brilliant idea occurs to Cody. Perhaps it’s time for a reinvention of Ja’mie. Determined to show the world that she can’t be beaten down so easily, they begin to plan an amazeballs rebel makeover. Bring on the slut socks, hair extensions and spray tan. OMG, Ja’mie is going to make a comeback that Hilford will never, ever forget!


   What We’ve Learned

  • No matter how quiche you might be, you can never risk a fart in front of your new boyfriend, not even if you think he’s really into you.
  • Even your BFF will steal your boyfriend if he’s super hot, no matter how close you’ve been, you can never, ever trust another girl. This is true of all girls, everywhere.
  • FaceBook can ruin your life. Every time you check FaceBook, you should be prepared to find out the worst, and if you’re popular and hot, everyone who learns about your misfortune will probably take pleasure in your misery.
  • You can never be over prepared. If you become depressed, the smart thing to do is to have your mother remove all sharp objects within your reach. Even straightening irons can become the tools of death.
  • A full on rebel slut makeover will cure even the worst kind of depression. It is known.





MJ Snow is a Canine and avian behavior specialist, role player, blogger and writer.  A long time George RR Martin fangirl and Game of Thrones Addict, MJ spends way too much time in Westeros. MJ is the co-founder of The Snow Keep, a short story and fan-ficiton blog, and founder of  The Brothers Clegane, a Sandor & Gregor Clegane tribute blog. She also co-curates several other Game of Thrones themed blogs.

MJ on Twitter  Google Plus

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