What if Lena Dunham Had Written: Game of Thrones?

Happy April Fools Day, everyone!  We thought we’d give Game of Thrones fans a day off this year from the trauma we put them through on this day in 2013.  Here’s a fun post from that should get a few laughs without causing a heart attack.  See you next year! (evil grin


There is a lot of quality content in HBO’s line up, but what if Dunhman had pitched or adapted some of the other shows on the Network? Let’s take a look.

Game of Thrones is an epic fantasy saga following the lives of a diverse and fascinating cast of characters. But what if Dunham had been at the helm? The series would undoubtedly center around Sansa Stark who would be played (often nakedly) by Dunham. And the action wouldn’t get too far past the gates of a suspiciously-reminiscent-of-Brooklyn Winterfell.

Fade in. Arya, played by Zosia Mamet, is dancing around her room burning incense and singing to herself. The scene cuts to Dunham running frantically through the halls of Winterfell. She joins Arya as the music swells in a plucky, indie, folk guitar riff and in bold white letters “Girls of Westeros” fills the screen. The opening title sequence is played in the orchestral Game of Thrones style we all know and love, but instead of the familiar tune it’s a cover of [amazon_link id=”B00137OJC4″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Closer to Fine[/amazon_link]. Arya and Sansa hold hands and spin around the room before falling on her four poster bed as the Indigo Girls play us in.

“I mean, I like Joffrey, you know? But like, maybe I need to learn to like myself before I know I can like Joffrey, you know? And like, maybe I am more interested in being a princess than I am in Joffrey… I wish I could just have a few more months to work on my embroidery.”

Meanwhile, Joffrey (played by Adam Driver) is doing pushups in the stables and finding excuses to be topless.

The guards and the castle staff all take great interest in Dunham’s life, which almost makes more sense when she is playing royalty than when she is playing a self-indulgent millennial. The citizens of Winterfell all seem to be overly  fond of Sansa’s embroidery, as if it were a viable career option. Somehow no one seems to bother to tell her how incredibly irresponsible it is to be pegging all her hopes and dreams on some cross-stitching. “I just need to live first, you know?” Just keep living, Sansa, you’ll finish all 12 of those embroideries.

Finally, the action begins. The camera pans over a wide shot of the Red Keep. Finally, you think, I bet we will get to see some action! I bet Jemima Kirke is Cersei. You, my friend, would be wrong. The lens focuses and refocuses as someone ascends the thrown. Is it Allison Williams? No: in a Tyler Perry like twist, Dunham is playing not one character, but two.

“I just don’t understand why dad has cut us off, I mean he’s the richest man in Westeros!” At this point Tyrion, played by Andrew Rannells, reaches for a flagon of wine but Dunham gets there first. “I mean,” she continues, while polishing off the glass, “I was like, do you know how crazy the economy is right now? Like all my friends get help from their parents. Margaery Tyrell gets three carts of food a day! I’m just trying to become the person I am. I mean he’s lucky I’m not addicted to dark magic or something.”

The rest of the episode is filled with scenes of Cersei alone in her chambers doing weird robot dancing and drinking herbal tea (or is it really a thinly veiled metaphor for hard drugs)? Oh, the trials of young-adulthood!

The diversity of Westeros is overlooked by a predominantly white cast (but it’s okay, we have Donald Glover for 3 episodes). He plays a pirate.. or something. Probably. (Okay NAACP? See, Dunham definitely isn’t whitewashing New York.. er… Westeros). And while Dunham and her trendy friends fight gentrification by only buying local we are all left wondering why flea bottom has so many coffee shops (it gets such a bad name, but it’s really an up-and-coming neighborhood).

After the credits we see a preview of next season. Cut scene. Cut scene. Dragons. Fade to black. There are drums; there are ships. Fade in. We see long blond hair, and fire… there’s fire. The camera pans, Lena Dunham stands, face severe. Throngs of soldiers pound their spears in the distance. Dunham is Daenerys Targaryen. She is the Stormborn. And she will finish those essays (er… embroideries). 

Today’s fun post comes from Alexander Ritchie.  He is a writer and student from Toronto, Ontario. With a major in economics and a minor in growing regretful of life choices, he’s an avid TV enthusiast living life one season at a time.  Follow him on Twitter!

It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself once in a while, right?  We hope you enjoyed this little dig at two of the most popular shows on HBO.


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