True Blood Season 7 Series Finale: Thank You

Dear friends, readers, Truebies, haters, etc., welcome to the final review of the series finale of “True Blood.” We are honored to have you here. Through some special HBO Watch magic, we  – Rhiannon Kavity, Tamara “The Taminator” Winfrey, MJ Snow, and me, VL Vanderveer – were able to, as a group, give you our honest opinions of all that went down last night in Bon Temps. Are you ready? Let the magic begin.

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HBO Watch Magic

When “True Blood” first came on television in 2008, it was something very, very different than anyone had seen before. Around this time, Stephenie Meyer was just publishing Twilight, a four book-long message on no premarital sex and save the baby even if it kills the mother in horrible ways. But this isn’t about Twilight, with sparkling vampires and gold or red eyes; this is about “True Blood,” where the blood was the thing, along with sex, money, love, lies, manipulation, and opening people up to a world more twisted than most minds can imagine (and not every race/breed of character from Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse books were used). And along with that blood came a very certain person, Sookie Stackhouse, and the ultimate question: who will Sookie end up with?

If you haven’t seen the ending, then stop now, as spoilers are a-comin’.

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Maybe we should have listened to Pam a little more closely.

The answer to the Sookie Dilemma, as we’ll call it, is that we don’t know. “True Blood” never gave us the one answer we all wanted. We did get flashbacks of young Sookie and Tara, and Gran fixing them hot cocoa after they were out in the rain. Pam and Eric let Sarah Newlin go, only to recapture her later, and we don’t see them again until the episode is nearly over. Looks like Sookie never really did matter too much to Eric.

First, we’re going to have some happy news before this all goes to hell.

Jessica and Hoyt show up at Bill’s house and get engaged and married so quickly that I blinked and it happened – but with Andy, Holley, Arlene, Sookie, Bill, and Jason there, where was Lafayette? As Tamara so eloquently put it: “Yeah how do you have a wedding without a gay guy doing the decoration?”

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This one’s for you, Taminator!

Aside from that HUMONGOUS wedding flaw (and that Nelsan Ellis had ZERO lines last night and was briefly in the final scene – but I’m holding back on the rage), let’s talk about how great that wedding scene with Hoyt and Jess was. Not only does Hoyt want to stay with Jessica, but she is the whole reason he’s moving back to Bon Temps. If nothing else, we all had a happy ending there.

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Hoyt and Jessica Fortenberry (just for you, Rhi!)

Rhi: OMG
Rhi: “She’s the whole reason”
VL: OTP! OTP! OTP!!!!! (One True Pairing)
Rhi: OMFG
MJ: Hoyt, I forgot how cute you are!
VL: OMG OMG OMGOMG
Rhi: I missed Hoyt so much
VLsurprised
VL: I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The_Taminator: Don’t talk to him Jess! He’ll just ask you to kill him!
VL: Yeah, I know….
VL: Oh no
MJ: Oh Bill…
Rhi: I hope Bill dies
Rhi: I think this would make 100% sense if they had never had Hoyt and Jess break up
VL: Well, contrivance.
Rhi: And now Bill explodes and dies
Rhi: in the middle of the aisle
VL: We can hope!
The_Taminator: YES Bill needs to explode NOW

Sadly, while Bill did not explode and die in the middle of Jess and Hoyt’s wedding, something unexpected happened: Sookie could clearly hear his thoughts. As you can imagine, THAT was a hell of a plot twist and got us thinking: because it was fairy blood, and because the Hep V progressed so quickly, was Bill turning human?

The_Taminator: Did she just hear Bill’s thoughts?
Rhi: YES
MJ: omg
VL: How can she hear him? In the books she could sometimes hear Eric, but never Bill….
Rhi: Because he’s dying
Rhi: omfg
VL: I know
Rhi: what if it’s making him human
VL: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!​
Rhi: what if it has a weird effect on the hep v
Rhi: which is why it’s hitting him so quickly
VL: YES YES YES YES!!!!
MJ: Oh, let him be human, please!
The_Taminator: What if she hits him with her light ball and they both become human?
Rhi: And then have little glowy babies
The_Taminator: YES little mutant sparkly babies!
VL: Teenage Mutant Ninja FairyVamps!

 

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The Shredder is very interested in how this plays out.

But was our hunch right?  We HBO Watch Ladies are pretty awesome (that’s Rhi, me VL, Tam, and MJ from left to right) but this time, we were dead wrong. Sookie was able to hear Bill because he was so close to death – or something the writers were enjoying that day made this seem like a good idea. He’s brainwaving her at the wedding that this is what he wants for her, a happy wedding and babies (not like Jess and Hoyt can have any, though…) and sunshine and sprinkles and rainbows and ugh! Bill is demanding that everything now be about him. Jess’ wedding had to happen RIGHT THEN because he was going to die and wanted to see her married since he never had a chance to walk his actual daughter down the aisle. He wants Sookie to kill him RIGHT NOW because he has Hep V. He wants it and he wants it now, damn it – and damn you for thinking that he isn’t the center of attention in this whole messed up show. Here’s how we still feel the day after:

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Seven seasons and all we’re left with is facepalms.

Sorry to end the happiness, but we now must deal with Bill and Sookie and the Sookie Dilemma. Just to be a downer, Bill reminds Sookie of the first time he entered her house (and we all were thinking back on those good times because the show actually had a plot then) before asking her to kill him. He’s thinking of her future and how she can’t have any real future or anything good and my ears are going numb. And he wants to be with his family. Life to him is marrying and seeing his children, maybe grandchildren some day, but that’s it. So he wants her to kill him so she can have kids. He loves her too much to leave her, so he asks her to kill him with her fairy ball of light, which he dubs, “the ultimate kindness,” because kindness means killing your boyfriend who won’t take the cure for what ails him. What. The. Hell.

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Truth Death = Normality. What the hell, y’all?

Now, we all know that Bill is dying for real of Hep V and that our hopes they’d both be turned human and normal were wrong. What we didn’t expect – and still can’t believe – was that HE ASKED SOOKIE TO KILL HIM. What part of episode #9, where Sookie and Jess tell Bill that THEY will have to live with HIS choices but he won’t, ’cause he’ll be dead, did he miss? Apparently Bill forgot and skipped that episode entirely because not only did he not care that he would be leaving Sookie and Jess alone, but he asks Sookie to kill him with her fairy light ball. That way, he’ll be dead and she’ll be rid of her fairy powers and “normal.” As Tamara said, “Mah humaniteh…. Suckeh Ah must get it back.”

When we were watching and saw Bill asking Sookie to end his undead life, here’s what happened:

Rhiannon: HE WANTS HER TO KILL HIM? WHAT A JERK.
VL: The freaking fairy lightball? NOOO!!!!!
MJ: Oh no, you can’t ask her to do that!
The_Taminator: Great– bring in assisted suicide at the last minute. Put THAT on her.
VL: This is getting crazy… Kill me so you can be normal? Dude, that’s horrible!
Rhi: Bill Compton is by far the most selfish character on the show
VL: And we thought Eric and Pam had their moments…..
The_Taminator: She has to live with that, you douchebag.
VL: He doesn’t care because he’ll be gone.

Now, let’s think here. As Rhiannon noted, “I feel like Bill and Sookie have been having the same conversation since Season 1.” And she’s right. I just rewatched season 1 and all Bill says is that he’s death and darkness and blood and blah blah blah. My brain hurts after seven seasons. But Sookie is actually considering killing Bill out of her love for him. Why hasn’t someone thought about sticking a needle in Sarah Newlin’s vein, getting some of her blood, injecting Bill while he’s asleep, and he wakes up cured? Oh, yeah, that would requiring THINKING, something that these people just can’t do.

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What Pam and Eric are constantly thinking when near people from Bon Temps.

 

Back to Bill and Sookie, because…. “True Blood.” That’s all we got. Sookie gets all dressed up in her fancy black funeral dress and goes to the graveyard. Bill’s grave has already been dug up. He climbs inside the coffin, opens it, and sees a picture of his daughter and him. Then he asks Sookie to kill him. Again. He lays down in the coffin all dramatic and Sookie gets her light ball going.

Rhi: this is so twisted
VL: is she going to kill him!?!??!?!?!?
Rhi: YES
The_Taminator: Maybe she’s going to turn him human
Rhi: I think he’s going to turn human
MJ: OK Sookie. Fairy light ball him and turn him and yourself human. Get married and live happily ever after.
Rhi: With the amount of things these vampire shows steal from Buffy, I wouldn’t be surprised
The_Taminator: Yeah, I like to get dressed up when I think I might get spattered by vampire goo
VL: Yep. And Buffy would so destroy this town. Add the Winchesters, and life is perfect.
VL: Dean Winchester and Buffy. That’s a match made in heaven and hell.
Rhi: OMG THATS MY CROSSOVER OTP VL

Light ball ready, she asks if Bill still wants to die. He does. He has since the first episode. What a headache we all would have been saved if he’d just killed himself in the 1930s or whenever before Lorena released him. And seven seasons and 80 episodes later, all Bill still wants is to die.

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Why, Bill, why?

VL: THEN DON’T KILL HIM, SOOKIE. HE’S NOT HOLDING A GUN TO YOUR HEAD.
The_Taminator: Yeah, don’t do it.
VL: I thought she would end up being turned honestly. From the pilot to this season’s poster, I thought we would see Sookie turned vampire.
MJ: I’m really gonna miss the Bill & Sookie song
VL: Seriously, what is happening right now?
VL: WHERE IS ERIC?
The_Taminator: Yeah where IS Eric??
Rhi: this is so crazy
VL: WHY IS SHE DOING THIS!?!?!?!?!?
The_Taminator: It’s not too late to stop!
VL: DON’T DO IT DON’T DO IT DON’T DO IT DON’T DO IT
MJ: I’m all teary eyed over TB. I never thought…
VL: Don’t give up yourself, Sookie!
VL: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!​!!!!!!!!!!
The_Taminator: YES
VL: YOU GO SOOKIE!

Then she realizes what she’d be giving up of herself, and she just can’t do that because it’s “part of [her] truth,” whatever that means in this show. So no to death by fairy light ball.

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Sookie decides she can’t kill Bill… at least not with fairy power.

Instead, she finds a nicely placed shovel, places it against a gravestone, and cracks the wooden handle in two. She tosses it into the ground. Thinking she might have a backbone and tell Bill to do it himself, we’re all ready to cheer – and then the little idiot jumps into the grave with Bill.

What follows next is best described through our individual comments and screenshots.

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Casting the Stake

VL: No, not that way.

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Goodbye, Bill and Sookie.

The_Taminator: Oh hell no

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Placing the Stake

VL: Wrong way. Leave the stake and walk away.

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Assisted Staking Suicide

The_Taminator: NOOO
MJ: Oh no
VL: nooooo nononononononononno

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Goodbye, Vampire Bill

Rhi: omfg
The_Taminator: Well shit

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The Carnage

Rhi: I can’t believe they just did that
VL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!​!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MJ: I’m so sad frown
VL: No, that didn’t just happen. THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN. SOMEONE TELL ME THAT DIDN’T JUST HAPPEN.

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Bill and Sookie No More

The_Taminator: Bill you giant tool!
Rhi: smdh
VL: Maybe he’ll Billith again? Maybe?
MJ: He has to come back!
VL: Or she’ll kill herself.

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Bill was not a good enough man for her to cover his grave with her bare hands like this.

Of course, Bill didn’t come back. Sookie covered his grave, stood up, walked out of the cemetery, and went home. Apparently this is some kind of character growth… or something. At this point I would believe that monkeys with typewriters wrote the show, or that the writers asked a magic 8 ball what should happen to everyone. TVLine.com did manage to get an interview with Brian Buckner, the showrunner for “True Blood,” and he discussed Bill’s death, which we should consider “heroic:” “What Bill came around to was similar to what Godric came around to. A human life is extraordinary too… Niall told Sookie, Bill told her, Gran told her — via flashback in the finale — that you can have any kind of life you want… The natural cycle of life is beautiful… and death gives life meaning.” So killing the man you love and who loves you is the natural cycle of life and beautiful, and asking the woman who adores you to kill you is HEROIC?

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Yeah, Sherlock, you’re not the only one confused by what Buckner said.

Eric and Pam, gone for so much of the episode, have started a worldwide empire selling New Blood (after salaciously destroying the Yakuza and Mr. Gus, which was fantastic and one of the best things I’ve seen since Eric killed a bunch of them with a guy’s mandible) and, in my mind, they now rule the world. Also, Sarah Newlin is being sold for $100,000 a minute to any vampire who wants a taste, and she’s gone insane and Steve Newlin haunts her forever. Pam was right: she was just like the whore Mary, but Sarah is probably the highest paid whore in history. HBO, please, we need a spinoff to make sure that Sarah is! Also, I would call having Steve Newlin haunt you/be a permanent figment of your imagination WHILE having vamps drink from you for huge sums of money the ultimate torture. Welcome to Hell, Sarah, you “televangelist’s wife who had a second career as a worldwide mass murderer.”

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Sarah and Steve, crazy forever

One year later, we see a very handsome and healthy looking Eric Northman promoting New Blood along with Pam. Within a few more years, they’re ringing the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange.

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Everybody wants to the rule the world, but only Eric and Pam can.

VL: Aw, whew, it’s Eric.
VL: This is awesome!
The_Taminator: OMG this is great
VL: I feel like my life has redemption!
VL: PLEASE let this be the spinoff!
The_Taminator: YES!
MJ: Oh that would be too good
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VL: Can they be President and Vice President now?

We can only really, really hope that HBO will consider a spinoff that focuses on the business endeavors of Eric and Pam because, out of all the relationships and good and bad and crazy of this show, those two have stayed the most awesome characters. And you can really tell Alexander Skarsgård and Kristin Bauer van Straten really enjoyed playing Eric and Pam. They will be missed most of all. It’s not fair to talk about missing characters, though, without saying how amazing Nelsan Ellis has been at playing Lafayette. Last night, all four of us were so upset that he was looked over in this episode. We get a glimpse of him at the end, that’s it! No speaking roles, no one last “hooka,” no anything. You, too, will be sorely missed.

The episode closes just as Rhiannon had predicted it would: “Honestly, I would really like it if they did the final scene as a flash forward where we see Sookie as a healthy human, who settled down with a nice man and had some kids and let go of all this supernatural drama.” We see a very pregnant Sookie surrounded by her extended family: Holley and Andy, with their children; Jason, Bridget, and their three kids; Jessica and Hoyt; Arlene, Keith, Colby, and Lisa; Lafayette (who still had no speaking part and was totally neglected!) and James; Sam, Nicole, and their kids; Jane Boadhouse and her new boyfriend; Willa; Reverand Daniels and Lettie Mae; and, lastly, Sookie and her husband.

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A very pregnant Sookie and her super mysterious, heavily bearded husband

Now, about Sookie’s husband…. WHO IS HE? This is all we get. This is all we’ll EVER get. A slight profile, dark hair, beard, that’s it. We know he’s human because she’s pregnant, but is he a supe? Is he a police man? Is a businessman? An accountant? A lumberjack? WHO IS HE?!?! Apparently, he was a stuntman on the show named Tim Eulich, and Buckner and the writers of “True Blood” never wanted us to know. I think we’re ALL still reeling from never knowing who Sookie chose in the end, but the show didn’t care about the fans at this point – some unnamed guy who had nice arms was on hand and filled in. Alcide died, Sam left, Bill helped Sookie kill himself, and even Eric gave up on Sookie after killing the Yakuza at her house. So, for 80 episodes, we all wondered who Sookie would be with. And HBO never told us ON PURPOSE. SPOILER ALERT: In Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse mysteries, Sookie and Sam got together, married, and had kids. Albeit, that Sam is different than the Sam we have in the show, just like Sookie is different. Bill didn’t die in the books and stayed in the old Compton place, Eric married the Queen of Oklahoma and, as far as we know, never saw Sookie again. Pam became Sheriff of Area 5 and Eric’s other progeny (not Willa, but a woman named Karin) stays in the Bon Temps area to keep an eye on Sookie. Of course, so much of the books never made it to the television show, and by season five no semblance of the books remained except character names and places. But still, who won out in the Sookie Dilemma? We’ll never know.

Rhi: WHO IS SHE WITH
VL: WE DON’T SEE HIS FACE?!?! JUST SOME RANDOM GUY????
Rhi: OMFG
Rhi: THEY DIDNT SHOW US
VL: Well, that sucked.
MJ: Did the ending feel rushed to anyone else?
MJ: I think they could have used 5 minutes more
The_Taminator: I didn’t feel like it was rushed. But if they’d taken it for 5 more minutes I wouldn’t have objected.
VL: I just wanted to see his face.
The_Taminator: Yeah. I wanted to know who the guy was who got Sookie to move on from the vampires
VL: Maybe it was the weretiger Quinn from the books! (Charlaine Harris agrees with this assumption.)
VL: Hey, I’m gonna hope….
VL: It felt like too much of a write off for everyone except Bill. Even Sookie at the end was overlooked.
MJ: I agree with that for sure
The_Taminator: I was hoping for her to have met one of the male fae or something
VL: That would have been great. I just want to know who the main character – SOOKIE – ended up with. What a letdown.
VL: Even Eric gave up on her. That’s sad.
VL: Now I wish Alcide hadn’t died. I would have been okay with her and Alcide forever. But this not knowing anything is just stupid.
MJ: Really, that’s been the one thing every fan wondered about, since episode one we all wanted to know who she would end up with.
VL: And we never did find out. It’s like, “Who shot JR?”
MJ: It’s a wannabe Sopranos ending lol
The_Taminator: It’s like it’s vague, but not vague enough
The_Taminator: or too vague
VL: too vague

We ladies at HBO Watch realized why we never learned anything about who Sookie married or even what he looked like. As Tamara said, “Yeah it’s just some guy so that Bill got his wish. IT WAS ALL ABOUT BILL.” And you know what? Brian Buckner confirmed our beliefs: “The idea was that we wanted Bill to be correct when he said that Sookie could have a normal life — the twist, of course, being that she chose to keep her powers and persevere… Author Charlaine Harris took a lot of abuse for choosing Sam in the books; we felt like it was irrelevant who Sookie wound up with. What we wanted to know was that she was happy and living the live that she wanted to lead. To introduce a stranger in the last five minutes of the finale wouldn’t have made any sense… We basically cast the man with the best arms from our stunt crew.” In other words, at this point, even the writers, producers, directors, and everyone involved in “True Blood” DID NOT CARE WHO SOOKIE ENDED UP WITH.

And yes, from the first episode, it was all about Bill. Bill manipulating Sookie with the Rattrays, Bill trying to get Sookie for Queen Sophie Anne, Bill letting a memory-less Eric live for Sookie, Bill realizing that there’s a big old world out there if he drinks Lillith’s blood, Bill saving all the vampires, Bill wanting to die… BILL BILL BILL. And WE ARE TIRED OF BILL.

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Pretend this is Sookie and Bill, and, yeah, that’s how we feel.

VL: It’s always ALL ABOUT BILL.
MJ: I’m glad she’s happy and that Bill got his wish, but ugh! I want to know about this guy!
The_Taminator: No we never get to know about the guy, because he’s not important. Only Bill’s wishes are important!
VL: I just can’t believe she staked him.
VL: Tam’s right.
MJ: LOL Tam, you are right. Bill wins. big_grin
The_Taminator: It’s all about Bill. And now that the show is over, I’ll probably have to go back to having a normal life and a regular job. Because that’s what Bill would want. tongue
VL: LOL, yes. We’ll all go back to our normal lives at Bill’s request. Asshole.
MJ: You’re right, we’re all now normal, True Blood-less humans now. Fucking Bill!

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We at HBO Watch approve this message.

Even though Bill and Eric left her life, Sookie did manage to move on. She did find happiness with some unnamed, bearded fellow (hey, the beard’s all I got to identify him by), and she’s pregnant. Her family – blood-related and not – are around her as the show closes.

Was this a great finale? NO. Too many morally wrong things and ridiculous plot contrivances were going on. How do you ask someone who loves you to help kill you when the cure is right there in front of you? We knew from episode 1 that Bill had a nihilistic streak and wanted to die, but if he wanted it that badly, then stake yourself alone or sleep under the sun or something. Don’t drag a poor girl into all of your crap, which then endangers her life and complicates her world so much that she has no idea what is going on. Bill had a chance to be a great character, but he never was. Sookie never really grew as a character. Eric and Pam stayed badasses to the end: always in it together, and always in it for themselves. And really, who doesn’t want to be Pam? Her clothes, her attitude, her lines – dang! Lafayette and she were the coolest characters on the show. I hope HBO is planning some kind of spinoff with them, and Eric, of course. I think more people would tune in to see that show than ever did these last few seasons of “True Blood.”

If you’re itching for some “True Blood” memorabilia, then visit ScreenBid. Several great items are already gone, but it’s not too late to own a small piece of television history.

For now, though, we say goodbye to a show that has made us laugh, cry, scream, cover our eyes, open our eyes really wide and stare, yell, curse, and all around made seven summers a little more fun. From all of us at HBO Watch, you will be missed.

Goodbye-True-Blood
Goodbye, True Blood.

 

Oh, and one more for the road.

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Could he be more of a badass Viking vampire god? Nope. Never.

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