True Blood Season 7: Almost Home

Expletives will be shouted from the mountain tops in frustration at some of the stupider highlights from this past Sunday’s episode of True Blood. There’s your warning.

So let me just start by saying it’s a fucking miracle that these people remember to breathe.

Eric’s captured Sarah Newlin. Jason has yet another notch to add to his bedpost of dead girlfriends. Sam and Arlene just kind of exist at this point (was it ever established that he’s mayor again, or did that title just kinda drop off him when the town went crazy and then the townspeople died? Also, who’s still alive in that town?) Sookie looked for a magical cure to Bill’s accelerated Hep-V and found one in the self proclaimed messiah chained up in Fangtasia’s basement. Lettie Mae and Lafayette discovered what Tara was trying to communicate to them from beyooond the graaave “holds up spooky hands”. Oh, and Bill won’t cure himself.

Today Rogue learns that her powers don’t work on androids so she can’t be a Blade Runner.


Y’ever notice the correlation between the thickness of a character’s accent and their level of stupidity? I don’t know if it’s some unconscious xenophobia on behalf of the writers or just one hell of a coincidence but it seems like if you have a more pronounced accent it removes a proportionate amount of the brain cells that do the whole, common sense thing. Case in point is Jason Stackhouse not only allowing a woman he met that day into his squad car, but then taking her to the house of his slighted ex-girlfriend who has ripped people’s organs out in front of him. Then there’s Lafayette and Lettie Mae digging holes for ghosts. That story line has just been ridiculous from the start. Not because of ghosts or symbolism or making a scene every time she leaves the house but because this VALIDATES HER ADDICTIONS. This is essentially one giant middle finger to her entire character arc of achieving sobriety. That any of her hallucinations are confirmed tells the audience that she’s in the right to relapse because she needs forgiveness and acceptance from Tara, who distanced herself in the first place because she’s an addict! It’s completely ass-backwards in a show with a confirmed medium (who also happens to be her partner in this) that she can’t communicate through Lafayette and explain that she feels guilty for not murdering her father when she was a kid.

It might seem a little harsh on the writers but when your first thought from Sookie’s confrontation with Sarah “Newme” Newlin is that she’s going to cut her loose, that doesn’t exactly reflect positively on her past behavior. Contrast that with Eric who upon seeing the yakuza foot soldiers (who shot up a fucking Senator’s banquet) from his past took the opportunity to rip out that guy’s mandible as vengeance for his late 80s lover. That might actually be a bad example in terms of context but it highlights one of the more glaring flaws the show seems to have developed; the writing got super sloppy.

I appreciate and even daresay enjoyed the irony of Hoyt unknowingly avenging his mother. However the writer’s game of Chutes and Ladders played to get him there was staggeringly daft. Hoyt and his girlfriend/fiance, who’s name I cannot recall because I don’t think it was mentioned more than once, come to town to bury his mother (Okay, that’s alright enough). In Bon Temps he unwittingly reunites with his old friend Jason, who subsequently gets a brief reunion with his former best friend, but also doesn’t trust himself around Hoyt’s girlfriend (Going surprisingly well so far. The retread of what happened with Jessica could show how he’s grown since they last saw each other). Hoyt and his girlfriend get into a ridiculous fight during which Jason gets the pictures from Violet telling him to come fetch them (Okaaaaaay… where is this going?). Jason gets up to leave, and Hoyt’s girlfriend decides that she’s going with him (Right. Okay. Jason, this is where you prove you’re not a tool. Kick her out of the car and head over). She stays in the car without any sort of struggle and they drive off (CRASH. Sorry, that was the sound of my forehead going through the coffee table). I can only assume (since I rewatched the episode to check that really didn’t say exactly how) that Hoyt was called by his girlfriend to come over because she was scared. So that means either Hoyt lives 30 seconds away from that mansion and Jason didn’t even have to drive, or Hoyt followed them. But hey, the burning hot poker dildo was both hysterical and sympathy pain inducing. That was a new one, and I don’t expect it will be popping up (poor phrasing) again anytime soon.


How many dead people does it take for a restaurant to technically become a morgue?

I’ve run out of energy for this show at this point. By the end of the episode, Bill’s rejection of the cure only registered an audible sigh as opposed to the frustration that the show used to inspire with its more “creative” story choices. What else is there to say about this show as it edges closer to meeting its own sun? Rutger Hauer as Spaghetti Fairy King Grandfather man is still pretty cool. As is Eric. Other than that, here’s hoping that before the end, Eric gets to rip at least one more person’s jaw out. At least the mindless action is completely appropriate in a show that seems to have turned away from mindful storytelling.

Here’s a preview for next week:


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