Another show bites the dust and honestly, it’s starting to feel like HBO just won’t let us have nice things. I couldn’t believe I got wrapped into another show, fully invested, only to have the cancellation notice pull the rug out from under me. If you didn’t get the chance to enjoy The Franchise, here’s your singular moment. I don’t know how long the digital content will remain available, but for now, the show is available on Max, so let’s dive in. The Franchise looks at the inane minutiae of making a minor film in a much bigger superhero franchise.
Episode 1. Scene 31A: Tecto Meets Eye
We open with Dag, an assistant director (Lolly Adefope) coming for her first day on set. I appreciate the show because it does what a lot of HBO content does, it just throws us in immediately and this one does just that. 
You know, I don’t need to fully understand a movie set to know it’s busy, a tad unhinged, and you need someone in charge wrangling the monkeys. Thus, enters Daniel, the first assistant director, (Himesh Patel). After watching Station Eleven during an arguably shit period in most people’s lives, I found Patel to be a comforting presence on screen. His character arc in that show is one of my favorites, and I found myself massively enjoying his acting. Seeing him show up and immediately be someone who is running the shit heap gave me great joy. Also, Dag is smart, she immediately matches his stride, and his tone, and I knew I was just going to love these two together.
There’s less than 90 days left for this film to get its shit together and wrap. Being a lesser superhero movie down the line from the higher-up superhero movies, it’s not exactly Oppenheimer level here but I can respect
a cast and crew doing its best to make money…a movie. One of the studio bigwigs, Pat (Darren Goldstein), is descending to check on everything and you have to know this guy is going to be a pain in everyone’s asses. Goldstein’s comedic chops don’t shine fully until later on, but this guy is hilarious.
But despite that, we get some lovely commentary on Hollywood waste. If this is where billions go to make superhero movies, then yes, I’m over it. I understand I’ll never make it in Hollywood the way I always dreamed. I will never know the inner workings of a film set. But if this type of waste is typical, then absolutely f*ck all those movies into the sun. Make them and be done. And that comes from a woman who has been absolutely fed up with superhero movies for a long time, so it’s not surprising. Deadpool and Wolverine got me in the theater again, but past that, I genuinely cannot remember the last superhero movie I bothered to watch, let alone in theaters. Probably Deadpool 2, if we’re being completely honest.
But Daniel is trying and for his sake, we’ll let him. We hear an embarrassing message audibly announcing his marriage is shit. Someone named Anita (Aya Cash) from his past shows up, likely to f*ck him over instead of just f*cking him, and the two male leads, Adam and Peter (Billy Magnussen, Richard E. Grant), absolutely cannot stand each other. Throw in a lighting accident causing them both to go temporarily blind, and now you’ve really got yourself a film! I’m not sure how Daniel plans to keep it all together, but it’ll be interesting to see him try. That’s show business, right?
Episode 2. Scene 36: The Invisible Jackhammer
I have mad appreciation for Patel and his hilarious, doomed scene in the car listening to a relaxation CD and stress-smoking his vape. Deep breath, puff, puff, puff. I’m absolutely crying with laughter. But also been there, and nicotine is not a great habit to indulge in. I haven’t smoked cigarettes in 8 years and I still get cravings, especially when I’m stressed. Given the events of late, has anyone got a smoke I can bum? Anyway, moving on… The new producer Anita is playing games and Daniel just needs to figure out how much he’s about to get f*cked. Old producer sacked, and an old girlfriend put in that place? Awkward. Especially with Daniel already dealing with a marriage on the rocks.
Speaking of rocks, did you know Tecto’s super weapon is an invisible jackhammer? Color me surprised…NOT, that a crappy superhero franchise would have crappy superheroes or at least crappy superhero gadgetry. In the end, the back and forth between Adam and Peter, or the #1 and #2 actor in the picture, is the peak delight of the episode. Adam is having a crisis of confidence and Peter, being more schooled and older, takes great delight in poking. Most especially because he’s butthurt being the #2. Hollywood does have a tendency towards mainlining the pretty boys. But Dan provides the honest meat of the sandwich for Anita: the movie needs creativity. Could Dan be the one to have it?
Episode 3. Scene 54: The Lilac Ghost
We start with a bright and early meeting with Pat, the brash studio executive, who provides the ever-so-kind enlightenment that they have “a woman problem.” You don’t say!? How shocking to find out Hollywood in any facet has a “woman problem”… The studio needs the one female character, The Lilac Ghost to be beefed up, in character and screen time for that actress Quinn Walker (Katherine Waterston). The problem is her shooting is wrapped and she is ready to go home. Can’t say that I blame her, given internet f*cks being their usual selves and causing harm or at least threat of harm is creating discomfort for her. Don’t worry, she has a clever position so her tears don’t ruin her makeup.
Meanwhile, our male superhero lead Adam is on “supplemental treatments” aka sheep hormones and it’s clearly causing some paranoia. I don’t know man, that hair on your back looked vaguely sheeplike. Daniel handles the problem well but now to the female problem. Beef up the female character too much, and the lead feels emasculated. Don’t beef her up enough and you’re not doing what the studio wants. Where’s the happy medium? Found it! But it doesn’t matter because it’s Hollywood and she’s female so she gets sacrificed to the incel nerd rage anyway. Time to switch pediatricians.
Episode 4. Scene 83: Enter the Gurgler
In every superhero movie, there’s a beloved cameo of someone special or a more famous face from another film. Well, it’s cameo time for this lesser film and while they were expecting top-tier, they got Nick Kroll. 
Admittedly, I chirped with glee as playing douchebag is what Nick does best. It’s a typecast, but it’s wholly earned. The big-name celeb can’t make it so they get the Gurgler instead. Ouch. But he’s also from Adam’s past and there’s clearly some salt. Peter takes to him immediately because if anyone will join him to take the piss out of Adam, he’s on it.
The director Eric (Daniel Brühl) is unraveling a little bit. “I feel like every time I find a hill to die on, I end up dying on it and then I’m just dead on a hill.” Daniel is trying to encourage him to be bolder. Push back against the studio. Since the bigger film is over budget and screwed now is actually your chance. Gurgler also stole your crystal and now it’s bigger and 
better in the movie before yours. Vengeance seems fairly worth it. The director’s right-hand woman Steph (Jessica Hynes) is assisting Adam with some zingers or whatever you would call those comments. She’s trying to hype him up, however he ultimately falls flat and walks out. Gurgler repairs it before returning to his own film. Daniel participates in some golf cart-driven property destruction to show the studio what he thinks of having his idea stolen. In the end, the cameo is pulled and it’s feeling a bit up shit’s creek here.
Episode 5. Scene 16: Eric’s Hospital Scene
Pat swoops in to steal Peter for cameo work of his own. How fancy. Adam is soooooooo not jealous. Also since Eric had his little golf cart stunt, you guys have to incorporate product placement. But not just any product placement! Chinese farming equipment! Panic mode ensues but it’s truly genius how they get the shot done. Dan is pretty sure Eric’s beloved scene will end up getting cut, so he gives Eric a little advice. Put the product placement in his scene so they can’t cut it. Boom goes the dynamite. Well actually not yet, that’s later.
But Adam is still in his head and riffing with Dag briefly helps. He opens up about some wild shit and somehow, she’s on board. I mean, a shit transplant? That can’t be real, can it? I don’t even want to think about it. Peter is back, but due to continuity issues, he needn’t bother to stay and shoot. How lovely for him. What’s even more lovely is a second Chinese tractor because of how well they incorporated the first one. Eric snaps, goes on an anti-Chinese tirade, and sends the trailers back. Unlucky for him that he pissed off one of the crew and said the crewman sent the audio footage to the news. Plus Dag took a poo in Adam’s trailer which was absolutely not the way it was supposed to go. Eric is going through the motions and that unraveling continues a bit further.
Episode 6. Scene 110: Baptism of Fire
Dan’s trying to keep spirits up, last night of night shoots! But it’s the epic fireball scene and everything must be perfect. Literally, the wind can’t get above a certain threshold or everyone will burn. Places and marks! Oh and no worries but Christopher Nolan, yeah, that Christopher Nolan is on the way to set. Oh, and Peter has an erection that won’t go down. Oh and absolutely no one wants to be here in any way and the crew are close to mutiny. Good luck, Dan.
He gets a little lotto going, hoping to keep the crew’s spirits up in the hopes of winning money. Adam is 
offering to play guitar and no one wants or needs that. Eric is so possessed with Nolan coming that he can’t think straight. Steph’s got a flirty thing going with one of the extras and accidentally kisses him. Pat wins the lotto. Eric locked himself in his trailer refusing to listen to anyone. The crew is mutinying. And Dan’s in charge. Blows it out of the water honestly. He might have gotten the shot, but Dag gets to Nolan. Absolutely hilarious.
Episode 7. Scene 113: The Bridge
Now they are filming in Armenia because of a fancy bridge. An old, fancy bridge. The government was not super cooperative because it’s a rather famous bridge, historically significant and such. How much will that 
matter if Scorsese has said cinema is dead because of superhero films? the director Eric has continued unraveling, even going so far as to yell at a goat. Admittedly, I’m not a fan of superhero films and I wouldn’t wholly say they are responsible for destroying cinema but the overuse of CGI and constant reuse of characters makes for drivel in comparison to other films.
None of that is on Steph’s radar since her flirtation with the extra has now gone horizontal. I don’t know, infidelity humor just doesn’t do it for me. She even says she’s happily married and they still have plenty of sex, so why? I just don’t get it. I also don’t get Eric’s need to pivot and find a different ending. This isn’t classic cinema, Eric. It’s superhero slop. Make the film and get out. Dan says no to the new ending, they don’t have the time or the money, and they need to blow this bridge and do this shot. In the end, Eric is uncooperative and that’s why Dan stuffs him in his trailer with a looped feed of nothing. Clever, Dan. Clever.
Since Dan has made his director-not-really-director move, Dag makes her own as well. Bravo, girl. Be ruthless. Imposter syndrome is officially over. Super awkward once the Wish Kid shows up, mostly because he’s a kid in the sense of age not size and the whole thing is hilarious. What’s not hilarious is touching an indigenous species or rather killing an indigenous species and having it licked off your hand. I’m gagging over here just typing it. But it’s time to go on to the bridge blowing, it’s for real. Time to blow. And wouldn’t you know it, they blew the wrong bridge! And hundreds of bats have just emerged and they seem pretty pissed.
Episode 8. Scene 117: The Death of the Eye
The big studio kahuna has lost his voice and can’t make the Comiccon announcements. Pat gets tapped into help and given what happened a couple of years ago, he’s lucky he gets another shot. But he does ask Anita to glance over the info and she sees a worrying note about Tecto. Could it be pulled? Peter doesn’t give a rip, it’s his last day of filming and he’s ready to GTFO. Meanwhile, Dan is stewing with his ideas to save the film and trying to figure out his maneuvers.
Now it’s not just Eric unraveling but the crew too. Craft service put a shoelace in Eric’s porridge. The overworked VFX guy is going a tad crazy. Crazy enough to take a knife and cause a lockdown. Well, it turns out he stabbed himself with a pen. No one else. So he gets a little bit of a pass. But Adam’s melting down over his article and not being taken seriously. Peter just wants to go the f*ck home to his wife. And Eric confronts Dan about the reworks. I wanted to slap him so hard. Do you want your fucking movie to get made? If Dan hadn’t done what he did, your movie would probably be a dead duck in the water. Or a dead bat in the water. Aww. Eric might have been a dick, but you still have leverage, Dan.
Anita, Dag, and Dan all approach the Biggest Wig at the studio. Dan can preserve the series and the characters with some minor changes. Anita does well highlighting the cost-effectiveness of their plan. Dag provides the secret sauce. They’re a rather killer trio. Pat’s finally arrived at the big moment and did the 
pitch save them? Not only the pitch but a news article tanked the headliner, so they’re the new summer tentpole. Hahahahaha, omg. This film? This one? Shit, can’t wait to see that…wait… Pat also says it’s the higher-ups’ call on the director and frankly, they’re over Eric. Dan’s got the chops they’re looking for, but Eric fired him, so what’s a guy to do?
Sadly, we’ll never know. Admittedly, they were really poised for a great second season with where they left off. Anita and Dan figuring out how to share responsibilities. While also potentially keeping Eric in the dark. Dag likely would be making more career moves. Perhaps Steph and the Mollusk Man would fling again. But with reshoots and the upcoming premiere, it could have been something. HBO, I need to have nice things. Please stop canceling the shows I love. Just stop, okay? I can’t deal with another shit superhero franchise, but this is my jam. Was my jam. Now I need a new jam.
