Need ideas for your Game of Thrones party this weekend for the Season 2 premiere? Fear not I am here to help you get-er-done and fast, time is running out. Why me? Why should I give you an assist? Well, like my mother always said, if she taught me anything it is how to entertain!
Let’s start with my ideal party and what I’m actually going to do this weekend: partying by myself all alone. Hurray! Other people won’t be ruining the viewing experience as they always have! Super Bowl parties, True Blood parties, you name it I’ve had my beloved television event trounced on, chewed on, and spit at, and also I’ve been kicked out of because of other people. -That was the final game of the 2004 ALCS when the Red Sox were beating the Yankees. Yeah it still burns.- Worst of all are those people who dare talk during premieres, WHAT PLANET ARE THEY FROM. So yes it will just be me, party of one, on Game of Thrones day. Don’t be sad, this is for the best. I may even slip my cats a sedative. This however won’t stop me from planning your Game of Thrones party if you’re still
stupid enthusiastic enough to throw one.
Creating your budget: You’ll need to decide for yourself how much energy you want to put into this, but first let’s start with establishing a realistic idea of just how much money you might want to dedicate to your Party of Thrones. No matter how many people you are inviting, you should allot most of the budget to booze, right? Right. So I suggest for every 40$ you put 30$ of that towards the good stuff, 5$ of that towards creative endeavors, and 5$ towards food. Now let’s limit the funds without limiting the fun, and here we go as cheaply as possible…
Forming your invitations: If you’ve already decided on the guest list, then you’ll know who you’re targeting to attend your party. But how to get them there? Handwritten invitations are a good start and of course if those that have the money to blow will purchase a fancy ink and quill set as well as some wax to seal their fancy letters, but we’re not the 1% so good ole No.2 will have to do. Just take a strip of paper and roll it real tight and pass it clandestinely in the hallway or at the water-cooler. Making your guest feel special will do wonders later. Perhaps if you have time raid the bridal section nearest art supply store and pick up a white dove. Raven, dove, pigeon? Does anyone really know the difference? Next attach your message to it’s ankle and then break into your invitees car to leave the bird on the passenger seat. Won’t they be thrilled that winter has come?
Decorating your home: The most obvious thing to do in order to bring in the aesthetics of Westeros would be to make house banners. Of course the rich people will flaunt their extravagance by using printable silks to zap out on their laser printer their chosen house sigils and then mounting them on fancy shmancy fabric. This is what we’re going to in regards to banners: nothing. Banners are dumb and a waste of money, they’re just going hang there for three days before you get sick of looking at the monstrosity you put together because you suck at arts and crafts. What we’re going to do instead: print out this map of Westeros and beyond. Have it laminated at the nearest copy shop, and you have placemats that you can use all year round! Best part is they go with everything!
Costumes: Let’s keep it simple or else a lot of money could easily get sucked out of your wallet here. Stop by the nearest party supply store and just purchase a crown. You can then play king just like the other 5 pretenders this season. You could even just raise it in the air and shout “War is Coming.”… hey it works for Game of Thrones? Also if you’re feeling frisky you can take down the drapes, thread a rope through them, and then tie them behind your back like a cloak. Make sure to save the white ones for the person playing bartender, the King’s Guard always guards what’s important, yeah?
Setting the tone: In order to bring in the atmosphere on the day of the party and to really get into the spirit of things you should try to domesticating your wife as much as possible by telling her just how often she is going to be raped. But since that is often considered Draconian these days may I suggest instead just going celibate, as there is nothing nobler than the vows of the Night’s Watch. Crack open the freezer and stick your head in, then with your blue balls and your blue lips you’ll really feel like you’re north of the Wall in no time flat.
Preparing for your guests arrival: While you are still at the party store you may want to poke around to see if they have any horns, since horns are so often brought up in the ASOIAF. But if you can’t find a sufficient horn, settle for a kazoo which is bound to be cheaper anyway. You can then make sure to put into place a code when sounding the alarm where 1 blast is for those returning from the beer run, 2 blasts are for gate crashers, and 3 blasts are for hostiles, be prepared to bar the door. Don’t forget you can always give your kazoo away as a party favor later, and you may even want to imply its rarity in order to drive interest up as you pass it off as the legendary Kazoo of Joramun. Nobody has that!
Planning your snacks: Now lemoncakes, horse, and hot pies are obvious, and fire and blood sausage sounds like a fine delicacy, but what if you don’t have the time to hunt down the ingredients? Since Martin mentions bacon a lot, mayhaps it would be a good idea to purchase a pigs in a blanket platter which you can then call
Samwells Manderleys. Don’t forget to buy them in bulk, .. bulk geddit?? Or if ham is not your preference, visit the nearest Five Guys and ask for some Freys. Oh it hurts! And of course they might not be open at that time of night, so make sure to plan ahead by buying them earlier and reheating them later. What is dead may never die!
Sorting your drink menu: Now it would be a good idea to survey your attendees and their favorite frosty beverages of choice, but no matter what it is make sure you like it. It’s your party and you’re the one footing the bill subscribing to HBO. You could even charge the price of admission to recoup some of your alcohol costs. Also it would be best to serve lemon water as well, but don’t forget that those not drinking are suspicious.
If you’d like other recipes the Inn at the Crossroads is a great resource, they have a wide selection too. Also, we may even have some booze-tastic ideas over at Kissed by Fire on Saturday, keep your ears to the ground for that and Jacob put together another party guide last year that might be helpful!.
Alright, that’s all I have for now, my time is budgeted too. Hopefully the above tips are somewhat useful, although my advice to avoid other human beings at all costs is priceless. Have a happy Game of Thrones day!