Why Not to Read ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’

Have you watched Game of Thrones and not yet read the books? Want to know why I don’t think you should? I know, I know, I’m a total booksnob, why am I telling you not to read the A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin? Well, … Great as I think they are, I will quickly admit they may not be for everyone as well as of course I love dolling out flawless advice! And it is free of charge, so let us begin, as here are five good reasons not to read the books Game of Thrones is based on:

a_game_of_thrones_book_cover-e13312574198891. Everybody’s reading them – Don’t be a that person on the train, lugging around your chunky AGOT since you didn’t read it last year and you’re only just starting now. How embarrassing! Leave that for the nerds, the hipsters, the academic professionals, … all those other people who think reading is cool. Besides if you think books are for losers, we don’t want you in our fandom anyway.

2. Time will evaporate before your eyes – You will lose lots of precious time you could spending elsewhere, like on video games, sudoku, watching TV, dicking off on the internet… and what do people do these days? I wouldn’t know, but you’d be missing out on all that stuff since the ASOIAF should take probably on average about at least a month to read, if not longer. .. Unless you’re truly dedicated of course.

3. The obsession will never end – Yes, your commitment won’t be over just when you’ve reached the last page of A Dance With Dragons. You’ll feel the need to re-read, then check out opinions on the internet, and then maybe read the books all over again looking for things you missed. Maybe you’ll start an ASOIAF dedicated Tumblr, and then never leave the Tumblrsphere ever again. Maybe you’ll talk incessantly about them to all your friends and relatives until you’ve convinced everyone you know to read them.. except for your creepy uncle, naturally. Maybe like me you’ll start your own blog and feel the need to write for another one just so you can talk about them some more. This slope be slippery.

4. Your expectations will forever be set too high for other book series. While the ASOIAF might not be perfect, I can’t pick up another book without mentally checking it off against a list of standards that Martin set forth. In fact, I can’t even not think about the ASOIAF when reading other books now, but the real problem is I can’t help but feel I’ll never enjoy another series again. Of course I’ve had this feeling three other times in my life, after Harry Potter ended, after Battlestar Galatica ended (yeah it’s a TV show, but still), and after I finished reading all the available the Sookie Stackhouse Novels, – it is never a good feeling. Blergh.

HBO-Books-Before-Everyone-Else-Demotivational

5. The content is killer – Not only you might get your heart ripped out when your new favorite characters die, but the story can be even more hazardous for the characters that live. You may also be grossed out in the process as flesh wounds, torture, mutilation, and other forms of degradation are common place. – These books aren’t for the meek. They are graphic and they are also sexually explicit. If you can’t handle extreme violence, rapey situations, and all that unfortunate jazz, you may want to go read something else. Though if you have seen the first season of Game of Thrones, I’m not sure why you would still be watching the show either.

At any rate, whether you read the books or not, at least know what you are getting into. The A Song of Ice and Fire series may just start dominating your entire existence. This way lay danger, you have been warned!

Until next week, when I’ll tell you why I think should read the books.  Adieu.

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